The Bridge: February 2008

The First Step

About 20 men from Bridgepoint joined 450 others for “Porn and Pancakes”. The talk was given by XXXChurch.com and designed to begin an open conversation about the prevailing usage of pornography among church goers and more specifically, us. Over half the men in society (church-goers included) spend time consuming it and a recent trend is showing that women are now becoming consumers too.

Craig Gross, one of the founders of XXXChurch, spoke with much grace. He has taken the stance that his mission is not to shut down the industry, but to give both the producers and the consumers of pornography permission to leave. He has seen that most who get involved feels dirty and, at some point, want to leave. But the insidious nature of pornography is that it is done in secret and involves shame. Since sins like these require open confession and some consequential action to initiate deliverance, their shame tends to silence those involved and the activity continues and deepens.

There were a few personal examples shared describing the process of coming out. In all three, a moment of awareness and their response to it made the difference. A significant producer of pornography began to see the life sucked out of the girls he used. Because Craig had developed a friendship with him, this producer didn’t turn to the bottle, but to God. Today he is attending seminary. Another found his moment of truth when his wife saw the sites he had visited on his computer. This began a “conversation,” and the process of restoration. The other man’s life was arrested when he was. The FBI caught him in a sting operation. Presently serving a five year sentence for soliciting children on the internet, he too is honestly facing his demons and finding release.

Each had some knowledge of God and each had a hook deeply set within. The other common thread in their deliverance from the grip of pornography was the part the grace of God played. An accusing finger would have further hardened and silenced. But the grace shown them through Craig and others allowed them to expose the ugliness of their hearts and find grace to change. And as more and more men understand grace, this devolving cycle of silence and shame and sensuality will be shown for what it is—an avenue to find God in reality.

We were not only given permission to leave, but also given some practical, concrete steps to take. Grace to be effective must be followed by faith’s obedience. Craig mentioned three initial steps. The first two involve the tongue. It always begins there. Romans 10:5-10 states that salvation (and all it entails) begins with confession; first confession to God and then, confession to a significant other or others.

Understanding that the “way in” took time, an intentional practice of accountability is required because, with exception, the “way out” will also take time. Being intentional about being transparent needs two things—a friend and an honest heart, and within the safety this relationship, change occurs. Craig also recommended a free download from his site that sends any questionable sites you visit to your accountability partner. He noted, though, that relatively few have taken advantage of this “light-saber”. This tool probably cuts too cleanly and closely.

Craig addressed this tendency to obfuscate when he read from Romans 7. We often are more aware of our own inabilities and failures than His ability and His accomplishment in Christ. We also tend to believe that we will fail more than He will succeed in us. Therefore we allow fudge factors in our life, and are not brutally honest. Paul wanted God so much, however, that he was. Through the process of awareness and crying out, he came to realize that the way to Romans 8 was Romans 7. The simplicity that is in Christ is messy until it becomes simple. And holding yourself accountable to God and others, keeps you through the messy time.

The last initial step is to remove the offensive material and future access to it. A recovering alcoholic doesn’t hang around the bar expecting to resist temptation. Putting a filter on your computers and letting your wife create the password, unsubscribing to the premium stations on TV, trashing any pornographic material in your home, using *99 on the telephone in motel rooms to block pay-per-view pornography were some suggestions. A clean break is needed.

The other thread that ran through the stories was that once these steps were taken, these men began to fill their lives with the things of God. Replacing evil habits with good ones is the way to neuter the desire to return and create new.

I think that we left with a sense of hope and possibility. It is ok to not be ok as long as we are moving toward God. And with the honest talk, we now have permission to begin to talk honestly about this issue in our own life. I imagine that closer friendships will form because of this event because a friend loves at all times and brother is born for adversity.